you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
