I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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