You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
