Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
then he tried to convert me to islam
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
