I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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