like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
