I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
