Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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