I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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