This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
