please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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