I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
