omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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