I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
