Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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