Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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