I met the friendliest cop last night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
