I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
