I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
