So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
