So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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