I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
