Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
