I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
