Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
