i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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