I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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