very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Im part way to drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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