That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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