i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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