i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
