why didn't you poke me back
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
