I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
