whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
