I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
