I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
