Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
