No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
