ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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