Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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