I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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