I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
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I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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