ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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