I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
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YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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