just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
