I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You're like the curious george of whores
I want her autograph on my taint
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
