she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
