He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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