the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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