Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im six kinds of drunk right now
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
