The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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