i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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