final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
