the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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