Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
