tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
