Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
