I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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