This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
