They have a pepper shaker for pot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
