I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
