he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
