Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
