there's paper in my vomit.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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