goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
