the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
