Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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