The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
