Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
