dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
