420 ftw
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Randomize
