dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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