he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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