oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
